because I need to let off some steam….
I realized that in this Nervous System block that spans 3 months..having messed up one test really kills my motivation to get back into studying.
I spent the past 2 months busting my butt to do well.
The thing that bothers me the most is that I studied extra hard for the test too… kind of all for nothing.
I think karma’s getting to me – a string of bad things always comes at once.
I’ve been so out of it – I have trouble paying attention to class.
What bothers me also is that this has happened before. But why is it bothering me so much?
I didn’t FAIL but I failed in my own standards. I feel as if I let myself down.
Normally I wouldn’t blog – I don’t feel the need to express so many opinions to the public.
I’ve run to my friends for comfort with the following responses:
Amy and Angela: try to cheer me up (such good friends i know..) but they don’t understand why I’m so disappointed
Sam: he doesn’t know what to do
Long: tries to encourage me but I don’t feel like anythings sinking in
Philip: trying to deny what is already been done
Frank: I appreciate him trying to cheer me up but he’s always in a good academic standing…and complaining about the exam is like punching me in the face
Hope: maybe she’s giving me some time to breathe
Sounds like the world is over but it really isn’t. It’s not something major. A lot of people would beg to be in my position.
But I can’t help feeling this disappointment in myself. I should just suck it up and say HEY DO BETTER and move on.
Is it the subject? Or is it just me?
I’ve noticed since I started getting headaches I’ve had a decline in the quality of studying…
I don’t know just kind of rambling to try to motivate myself to move on…the next exam is in a week from now…I cannot mess up – or rather, I won’t let myself mess up.
I’m not being emo…I just feel really HOLLOW. Not even sad anymore, just like THERES NOTHING INSIDE TO MOTIVATE ME TO CONTINUE TO DO WELL.
Thought fragments.