Someone gave me an idea to burn music from the 1990s so…
I narrowed the time period to 1997 – 2002…and created a list of 36 songs.

Now it’s on repeat…

I rediscovered artists like Dream (He loves you not), S Club 7 (Never had a dream come true), Kylie Minogue’s old music (Can’t get you out of my head, Love at first sight)…

I feel like such a loser writing all this but hey, they made good music!

It’s actually kind of sad that people born in this generation (year 2000 +) missed them

1. I lost touch with a middle school friend for four years before I contacted him.

2. I lost touch with almost all of my high school friends. Except 2. One is fighting clinical depression, and the other is starting work soon.

3. I lost touch with my close college friends after they decided to transfer from the program I’m in, to another school.

I think I have communication issues.
I hate writing sad blogs so I never actually write them unless I need to vent.

——————

Lately, my parents sent me on some errands where the closest location to buy the items are on 14th St. And then I went shopping with my sister near there. Then I went to Barnes and Noble there. And every time I walk by Whole Foods Market and Barnes and Noble I just remember the endless hours I spent there chatting and talking about everything important and unimportant. And I wonder why I’m been going there so often? I rarely, if ever, go to 14th St. anymore because it’s out of the way. So why now?

Suddenly, the friend that I always used to go to these places contacted me yesterday.

Something clicked in my head.

——————-

So how does this tie into the entry at all?

I think this is my opportunity to fix my communication issues. So of course, no sad post, it’s merely a happy one, disguised as a emo one.

My grammar sucks.

Ouch.

Front view.

Top view.

YAY.

I realized that in this Nervous System block that spans 3 months..having messed up one test really kills my motivation to get back into studying.

I spent the past 2 months busting my butt to do well.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I studied extra hard for the test too… kind of all for nothing.

I think karma’s getting to me – a string of bad things always comes at once.

I’ve been so out of it – I have trouble paying attention to class.

What bothers me also is that this has happened before.  But why is it bothering me so much?
I didn’t FAIL but I failed in my own standards.  I feel as if I let myself down.

Normally I wouldn’t blog – I don’t feel the need to express so many opinions to the public.
I’ve run to my friends for comfort with the following responses:
Amy and Angela: try to cheer me up (such good friends i know..) but they don’t understand why I’m so disappointed
Sam: he doesn’t know what to do
Long: tries to encourage me but I don’t feel like anythings sinking in
Philip: trying to deny what is already been done
Frank: I appreciate him trying to cheer me up but he’s always in a good academic standing…and complaining about the exam is like punching me in the face
Hope: maybe she’s giving me some time to breathe

Sounds like the world is over but it really isn’t. It’s not something major. A lot of people would beg to be in my position.

But I can’t help feeling this disappointment in myself. I should just suck it up and say HEY DO BETTER and move on.

Is it the subject? Or is it just me?

I’ve noticed since I started getting headaches I’ve had a decline in the quality of studying…

I don’t know just kind of rambling to try to motivate myself to move on…the next exam is in a week from now…I cannot mess up – or rather, I won’t let myself mess up.

I’m not being emo…I just feel really HOLLOW. Not even sad anymore, just like THERES NOTHING INSIDE TO MOTIVATE ME TO CONTINUE TO DO WELL.

Thought fragments.

I really don’t consider them yearly resolutions since they’re more like long term goals.

1. Maintain honors status.
2. Feed myself better at the dorms – salads and cucumbers just don’t cut it as a meal.
3. Enhance photoshop skills.
4. Collect more green and panda stuff.

I ring in the new year with a cold, cramps from day 1-2 menstruation cycle, and a headache.

It’s going to be a __________ year.

So what have I achieved in the last 3 months of my existence? I finally got honors in the Musculoskeletal system.  I remember when I started I began with a 74….now I’m always averaging mid-high 80s.  The only downside is…that I’ve lost virtually all contact with my friends.  I haven’t talked to Alex in ages and feel kind of empty not having him around to rant to.  Of course there are others that listen to me rant….but it never feels quite the same.

One thing I do appreciate is how he’s always so welcoming to me even though I skip weeks at a time without talking to him.  Now I just have to haul him from Australia so we can actually hang out and chill for once (grr at his employer).

——

Sam and I were having one of our typical conversations.  Conversation came up about me of course.

I call this the smart vs. hard-working talk (as such, Sam and I have virtually a title for every BIG talk).

People always seem to me as smart. Really, I never wanted that label.  When I go home, everyone says I’m stupid or lazy and I’m pretty damn content with that.  I have no problem admitting that my other siblings are by far much more intelligent that I am.  And I don’t complain about it all because it’s just a simple fact of life that I’ve already accepted.

But if you had to choose, would you rather be smart or hard working?

For me, I’d rather be hard-working.  Why?  Simply because being hard-working would probably allow me to go further in life and achieve what I really want.  Being smart can help but without the diligence to keep on studying, I feel that you can’t accomplish much.

Random blurb/blog.

A hole in my brain if you will.

I’m getting a bit burnt out from all this studying.  But!  Because if anything, life doesn’t slow down for me…so I have to work extra hard to catch up to it.

I really am not liking my lab partners. They are so annoying. I don’t mind teaching people what I’ve been dissecting….but asking repetitively what and where a certain structure is gets REALLY annoying. I have 7 or 8 other lab partners (I forget the exact #), 1 is my friend and he works well with me, 1 is already a doctor and really good too, 1 is semi-interested but nice, 1 is a total bitch who i hate like hell, 1 refuses to dissect, and the rest really don’t talk.

It’s not like I hog all the work. But to work efficiently (we have 3 hours for the lab) I dissect with the other good dissectors in order to finish all the work…and we usually finish a little before the 3 hour mark. When we start letting the others dissect, stuff gets broken and important stuff gets ripped apart…and we never finish at the 3 hour mark.

Other than that, I’ve been running on the same cycle as said below. Actually, I’ve been sleeping a little bit later but I don’t mind that much. I passed my first test, first quiz, and second exam. Life’s going well so far.

In class, there was a person that used to cheat profusely…and he’s in my class. My friends and I can’t help wonder how in the world he managed to stay in the class….when he doesn’t even know how many chromosomes are in a cell.

Only the tests and quizzes will show some justice to the world.

P.S. I love the fact that architect majors build such beautiful projects and hand it in for a grade. I also like how art majors spend so much time drawing a masterpiece of some sort and handing it in. Then, I realized, I study just as long as they do to make their project….just to produce 2 numbers.

fun stuff.